My motivation.

What motivates you? No, really, what motivates you?
Pain. Anger. Hatred. FEAR.

So, I had this dream the week of Thanksgiving and I felt the Lord nudge me this particular night before heading to sleep, that He would speak to me that night through a dream. Because it's been so busy, I just two days ago, got a chance to sit down, pray about it and interpret it. It had apartment buildings, lakes, chairs and thieves; an SUV, hotel and of course, a wedding. Yeah, totally weird. Oh, wait... And an ex-boyfriend. Yeahhhhh, how about thaaaat. Anyway, so I sat down to interpret it and even though I had all the puzzle pieces, I had no idea where to start. Anyway, I prayed and prayed. All I got was 1Cor3. Sooo, open up my Bible, and low and behold, the exact same Scripture a dear friend of mine sent to me about a month and a half ago via text. Said she "felt that Scripture for me." Mind you, it's not a pretty word, not in Song of Solomon nor Psalms. It's in 1Cor, right smack in the middle of a rebuke from Paul... Long story short, I ended up in Romans 7, and the Lord spoke to me so clearly. The motivation for 99.99% of every choice I've ever made has been motivated by pain it by fear. In my immaturity it was pain, in this so called maturity, it's been fear. Fear that somehow I'll miss God and His greatness. Every action was fueled by the fear that I'd somehow missed it, or it's been a direct result of the pain I held so close in my heart. Fear can never withold me, neither can pain nor the desire of revenge; only love, and love at its truest sense in that. I want to challenge you, just as the Lord challenged me, and is now testing me. Be motivated by love in EVERY decision you make. What you wear, who you talk to, what you say... What you do with your life and where you work. Be motivated by love. And ask God what exactly motivates you...

seventy.two hours

Today marked the beginning of a 72-hour project to see human trafficking abolished in Florida. TheOrlando House of Prayer began praying at 6am and won't relent until Sunday at 6am. Granted, they will give the Lord no rest until His justice is released, but we are going 24/7 officially until then. At the same time, Tomas Lares with Florida Abolitionists is training and taking teams out to help law enforcement release God's justice on the streets of Orlando. I was privileged enough to prayer lead today and the Lord truly gripped my heart. I have always carried an intercessory burden for human trafficking, and I desire to see liberty released on behalf of the sex-slave victims. A team from FCC, Florida Christian College, came out and we moved heaven to earth in intercession. They began leading a chorus that said, "We believe You, you'll set every captive free. Lead us to them, lead us to the captives.". Phewww. I believe the Lord was so pleased at the faith in that room, at that time.

(falling asleep, more in the morning)

Eat the scroll!

I just have to write a quick blurb about the goodness of Jesus and how sweet His Word is to my soul, to my lips and what a glorious light unto my path! Oh how I delight in Your precepts my God, my King, my Husband, and my everything!

Currently reading: Psalm 119

Restoration

"You bring restoration, to my soul."

My entire walk with the Lord I have struggled with my past, with regrets, and with all the shoulda, coulda, woulda's. Nevertheless, "He works all things for the good of those who love Him and seek Him." It amazes me how the Lord restores every song, every location, every relationship into an unbelievable testimony. For example, back in the day, there were songs that were dedicated to a significant other, yet the Lord finds miraculous ways to erase those memories and replace them with sweet memories of the plans He has for us... "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give us hope and a future." It just never seizes to amaze me. I really do serve a good God. :)

Repentance

It is so easy to get caught up in the mundane for the sake of responsibility. And for that matter, it is so easy to turn away without realizing it...

After my BSF class this week, I have spent a lot of time thinking and repenting. I have re-encountered the man Jesus. I had turned away. I really felt like the prodigal son. I had not backslidden, I still did all the good Christian things to do and my allegiance was toward Him. But... My heart was disengaged and had forgotten that this man, Jesus, is forever my first husband. My heart had forgotten the plans He has toward me. Adjust trying to be an adult, I lost my first love. I fully believe that in our desire to fulfill our responsibilities, we lose our first love. The giddy, crazy, lovey-dovey romance that we never forget. Yeah, that's Jesus... But on Wednesday night, this man tugged and pulled on my heart in an insane way, and He met me. He captured me (again) and he gently showed me I had turned away.

But, I responded, and said yes. I'm home. With Him. Oh, how my heart beats for that beautiful man...

Morning Rain

It is almost 6a, and it is raining outside. I can hear a puddle being made right outside my bedroom window, and I love it! I love mornings like this. (Mostly if I don't have to go out anywhere.) There's something holy about the rain coming while we still wait for the sun to grace us with her morning rays. I feel super close to God on mornings like this, and so very thankful for the blessing of a big, comfortable bed. :)

BSF

So, today a very good friend invites me to attend a "Bible study" by the name of BSF. It is an amazing Bible study with a four-fold approach. I absolutely loved it. It's challenging, and straight Biblical. No religion or denomination, all kinds of people and all kinds of backgrounds. We're currently studying the book of Isaiah and will be doing so until May. :) It's an international fellowship, so I encourage you to find a group near you and get involved! I'll share further tidbits and pieces of information as we go... :)

I Voted!

Today was election day nationwide. And I pray that you went out to vote, and you voted righteously. Politics is one of those iffy subjects that most people decide they want to walk on eggshells when discussing, but it is a subject this nation can no longer afford to avoid. Voting isn't about choosing leaders that will benefit you and your pocket (since the natural economy has gone to he'll in a handbasket) but about looking at the root and choosing righteousness, purity and life. I guess this post comes a day late and a dollar short, but I have to get it off my chest. I've had so many people tell me that Bush was a bad president because of the economy, the war, blah blah. But Bush was a righteous man who diligently worked to eliminate abortion and to ensure the protection of the sanctity of marriage. Righteousness, he sought. Have we considered that this nation is in the hole it's in because of the heart of the people in this nation. America is full of fools. "A fool says in his heart, there is no God." And isn't that what this nation does? For the sake of equality, we kicked God out of everything and then get angry when He remains silent. He'll only be the lamb for a while longer. He will roar soon. And that roaring will result in judgement. Mark my words. Prepare! Do all you can to return righteousness to the government of this nation. Voting today was historic. Sure hope you didn't miss it.

Two Moms.

So I started sharing childhood stories with my husband tonight before bed. It started out with funny haha stories, and inevitably, my mom's death came up. I started thinking about her and just wondering about her, and I realized just how much I miss her. I have an absolutely outstanding "step"mom and am so grateful to my Daddy-God for giving her to me. I could never ask for anything more. Nevertheless, there are nights, like tonight where I start thinking about my Mami Brenda and I plain miss her. I really mostly miss the fact of getting to know her. Really stinks. I haven't thought of Mami Brenda with that level of tenderness for a long time... Sigh. No point to this blog. I was just missing my mama and wanted to share...

Psalm 141

"O Lord, I call upon You; hasten to me! Give ear to my voice when I call to You! May my prayer be counted as incense before You; the lifting of my hands as the evening offering. Set a guard O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not incline my heart to any evil thing, to practice deeds of wickedness with men who do iniquity; and do not let me eat of their delicacies... For my eyes are toward You, O God, the Lord; in You I take refuge; do not leave me defenseless." (Psalms 141:1-4, 8)

You know the prayers of my heart and the desires that lie therein Holy Spirit. Have Your way...

Midnight Intercession

I find myself up... (again!) Super early. Part of it is that I have a gorgeous two month old baby who needs her mama, though she never ever wakes up twice in the middle of the night to eat. The other part of it is that I believe the Lord ordained me to get up an pray for an hour. Right smack in the middle of the night. I began praying for all kinda of things. I began praying for human trafficking victims, and asked the Lord to release justice on behalf of the victims oppressed, then I prayed for friends & a few family members. Then the Lord began to grant me a spirit of intercession, praying against this upcoming Halloween. Now, I've never ever been a fan of Halloween (ever!) and I'm praying to the Lord that both my daughters are reared the same way. But I began to speak against the powers of Halloween, and all that jazz. Though I was whispering after having fed my sweet girl, it was a powerful time of intercession and I believe the Lord will have me pray for that again and again, until Halloween is over! (Can I just please make a request Lord and may it be at a more convenient time? Say six am, maybe? Nevertheless, Your will be done, not mine) I encourage you God fearing Christians out there to seriously spend some time in prayer over the youth & overall purity and covering of your city. I'd even say to go as far as speak to your local church about it and see if they'll not hold a prayer meeting for it. This is a serious thing, and a holiday that is anything but holy. Members of the occult delight in this day and use it to truly seek out evil and release demonic principalities over our youth. And with things like HHN at Universal and such, you better believe evil is running rampant and people are opening the doors to them like good ladies and gentlemen. If you live in Orlando, and are stirred to pray on Halloween know that the Orlando House of Prayer will be hosting a six hour prayer meeting on Halloween. So come, stand for righteousness.

PS. Kairos Forerunners has a great post on the truth about Halloween. Go check it out!

Dreams?! Ugh...

Ugh!

Another disturbing dream. Yanooo, I resent the fact that other friends are dreaming of spewing gold and prophetic destinies, and I get rats and tardiness. :-/

Am I missing it that badly Lord?

Ugh. Give me a moment. I need to go wrestle like Jacob. >:-o

A heart for human trafficking.

"The Lord performs righteous deeds and judgements for all who are oppressed." -Psalm 103:6

I read that Scripture and think so much of human trafficking victims. Talk about being oppressed, daily. Or should I say nightly. Human trafficking is one social issue that weighs heavily upon my heart. I've had so many dreams in which Caleb and I go to rescue some of these girls and get them out of the hell-hole they've wasted away in. Not by choice, of course. Man, it seriously breaks my heart to know that slaves still exist in our day. And that the mass of men would rather turn their head for the sake of personal comfort, than to confront this issue dead on. Oh God, please raise up our family to be defenders of freedom, to be the gift from God of justice! God, do what only You can do and cause us to move in this direction for Your Word's sake. Please Lord, perform righteous deeds on behalf and judgementsnon behalf of the oppressed. Send this family, we'll go.

Studying 1 Corinthians 13

Yesterday's message at Church touched me a lot. Not only because it was specifically designed for someone near and dear to my heart, but because reminded me that He allows trials in our life to expose our heart. Ha, yeah I was failing that test miserably. I have found that what's in my heart is dark, selfish and wavering. It is also proud and insecure. So, I begun to dig deep into my Word to pray that He will change my heart first, and then the heart of those near and dear to me. I began digging deep into 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, the chapter on love. I started on James, went to 1 Peter and ended up in 1 Corinthians. It was a beautifully designed path the Lord took me on. Well, I wanted to share my findings. I'm stuck on 1 Corinthians 13:4. "Love is patient, love is kind." When looking in my concordance the Greek word for patient and kind (because I'm an absolute nerd and love words and their true meanings), it brought conviction in my heart and I've been praying these characteristics into my heart the last 24 hours. Here is what I found:

-patient: makrothymeo: to be of long spirit, not to lose heart. to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes. to be patient in bearing the offenses of others. to be mild (which is defined as humble in spirit and manner) and slow in avenging. slow to anger, slow to punish.
-kind: chresteumoai: to show oneself mild (which is defined as humble in spirit and manner), use kindness.

I would just like to say 100% of divorces are caused by the lack of these two characteristics.

Reflections admist trials

The mercies of God are outstanding. I apologize I have been minutely MIA for a couple of days (okay, maybe a week or so). Things have been quite turbulent and in the day to day, I have put blogging on the back-burner. But, I'm back and with a new found understanding for the things which God allows us to endure. It is incredible to me how wrapped up in self we can truly be... Sometimes when the Lord reveals to us circumstances or the heart of another, or the things that will or can come, we become absorbed with ourselves and what exactly it is that we can do to fix it. We decide to spend our entire being poured out into fixing whatever we feel is broken that will bring pain or to the very least discomfort to our being. How dare we? Often times, what ends up happening is the very thing we become absorbed in fighting against is the very thing that consumes us and that draws us away from the Lord. He whose life is set on opposing the religious spirit will actually operate in the religious spirit, because that is its prize and its reward. It is no longer the man who crushes the religious spirit, it is the religious spirit itself. If in my journey to intercede and to bring forth life for another I become obsessed with the very thing I come against and seize to stand on the Word, but rather my own dislike for this thing, I have become a resounding cymbal. May my heart's desire be solely set on the man Jesus. In all His glory, truth, righteousness and humility, may my heart be transformed into His image...

Dreaming dreams

It is absolutely insane that Jesus chooses to speak to us through dreams. It is absolutely even more insane that we believe He doesn't or just don't seem interested or "informed" enough to believe it. Dreams are one of those "funny" subjects with believers that people tend to stay away from, because, in our ignorance, we don't feel we know enough, or there's enough biblical evidence to support any one theory. The little that we do know is intimidating and overwhelming, and, well, it is just too vast for our understanding. Now, I am by no means an expert on dreams, but, I am however a student of the Holy Spirit, and it has been deeply impressed upon my heart, that He speaks in dreams. It is "the glory of God to conceal a matter and the honor of kings to search them out.". In this wonderful mystery of dreams, the Lord Himself is speaking the mysteries of our hearts into our ears in some form of parable, and it is our honor and our glory to search it out. I am super thankful the Lord has surrounded me with individuals who dive into the things of the Spirit with a head full of grace, a heart full of mercy, and with feet placed upon a rock, rooted and grounded in love. It is through them the Lord teaches me most often, cracking a door that will wet my appetite and which I will seek after in my private time with Him. That, is exactly what happened with dreams. And now, in this 40 day season I'm in, the Lord has spoken to me through dreams; my dreams, and other's dreams. And all I can say is, "wow." Dreams often times birth intercession because of the direct download from heaven that we receive through dreams. That is what plagues me at 323a this Tuesday morning... a deep burden and a deep compassion to pray that God will open the ears, the eyes and the heart of those opposing His Word for the sake of a true revelation of the man Jesus Christ. Because of dreams (along with other things, obviously!) I now have specific prayer points that I'm targeting. I'd encourage you to seek the Lord and to find Him in your dreams. He is speaking...

My blunders, His glory

I am amazed at God. As humans, we tend to make blunders of our life, and to fall super short of the glory of God. However, I am comforted to know that in my weakness, His strength is perfected, and that He works all things for the good of those who love Him. And I love Him (last time I checked, hehe.) :)

Today was quite the day for me. Seems anger was just spewing out of me like poison and it was affecting those closest to me. Well, a dear dear friend pointed it out to me, and though my anger was directed at one person, it was spewing out to everyone else in the process. Yeah, that's never good. So, I talked with friend, and then I prayed. As I was journaling, the Lord reminded me that anger is a cover-up emotion for something that is dwelling deeper. Mine is undoubtedly hurt. So, what do I do with that Lord? I give it to Him, I obey, and I remember that His ways and His thoughts are higher than mine. So, while this storm whethers, I have to obey, and when
I fall short and make a mess of things, I have to press through and rejoice in hope like Romans tells me to do. I have to understand that obedience is despite emotions every time. And ultimately that His love heals. Oh, help me Jesus in this raw journey that I'm on.

Wholeness as the worst enemy

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."


So often, wholeness, the very reason we come to the Lord, becomes our greatest enemy. As human beings, I've noticed a trend, where we come to know, to serve and to surrender to Jesus in our pursuit of wholeness. When we first come to know Him our entire lives are broken, empty and fallen apart. And much like in Psalm 34:4, we find that we seek Him and He delivers us from all our fears; we become whole. Which is a good thing if we remain an attitude and a heart of brokeness before Him, understanding that He alone is the one who saves, restores and brings any good thing unto us. But, all too often, what happens is we begin to boast upon our wholeness and in declaring our testimonies, we lose our reverent, wanting heart and begin to stand on our own two feet. I am beginning to understand why God sometimes doesn't answer our prayer and leaves a "thorn on our side" so to speak. Though His desire is that we know fullness and wholeness in Him, our incredibly selfish nature prevents us from doing so, and therefore He witholds of Himself to the purpose of a hungry and seeking heart for man. But what about those who have already stopped being brokenhearted, and refuse to be crushed in Spirit? Well the Lord spoke in the Proverbs that He will oppose the proud, which can be translate to destruction, and swift dealing with a heavy hand. Ironically, this produces brokenheartedbess again and a crushing of our spirits. After all, what can be so devastating as the realization that we are not a fraction as whole as we thought we were. It's all His pursuit of us. To show us His unending goodness, He must first break us. It's the beauty of this inside-outside-upside down kingdom. In the meantime, I will use this verse as a prayer point to those close to my heart who have embraces and gripped their illusion of wholeness, while forsaking and letting go of the One who makes whole.

Turning the page

Sometimes, one of the worst feelings in the world is the disappointment one feels when you return to your roots and find that home just isn't there anymore. I recently had an experience where I returned to my spiritual roots so to speak and was hoping and praying to reconnect to what I once had there. However sitting right smack in the middle of these roots, I realized things were just not the same. The page had been turned, and to come back to it is unnatural. Though we cherish the memories from our past (the good parts), letting go is one of the hardest things to do... It has been for me. I am so relationally-minded to my core that the thought of any relationship ending moves me to tears everytime. Nevertheless, returning to what It thought would be "the good old days", Jesus reminded me that this was my past and there's nothing there for me. I can treasure every smile, every secret shared and every memory lived, but I can't bring them back. The page has been turned and it is time to look forward, to look ahead to the things which He has placed before me. Ouch. And then again, wow...

Turning the page,
Nicole

additional blog

In case you didn't know... I also have a blog called "Historic Homemaking" where I talk about my journey as a new housewife and stay at home mom. I talk about the blunders, the challenges, the joys and the laughs. Check it out!

http://historichomemaking.blogspot.com/

the Sabbath

"If because of the Sabbath, you turn your foot from doing your own pleasure on My holy day, and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of the Lord honorable, and honor it, desisting from your ways, from seeking your own pleasure and speaking your own word, then you will take delight in the Lord and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth; and I will feed you the heritage of your father Jacob your father, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken."
-Isaiah 58:13-14

Isaiah 58 has been the Scripture which I've been digging into and meditating on for the last two days. It is titled, "Observance of fasts." Ironically, this chapter ends with the observance of the Sabbath. I believe the Lord ordained the Sabbath to be a tithe of our time. It is one day, 24 hours, that is to be designated to doing nothing but seeking His will, and abiding in Him. Though this should be done every day all day, I believe this is the call to a day of purposeful rest and solitude. It was never intended to be a day where you can't lift a finger, it is a day designed to rest in His presence. Yes, we are to abide in Him continually, but that abiding is in the midst of the mundane and the earthly. The Sabbath was designed to understand the call in Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God; that I may be exalted among the nations." (NKJV) But, the NASB says it like this; "Cease striving, know that I am God..." There is a difference between the two and neither is holier than the other, but both work and rest are a necessary duty.
When I was reading this Scripture for the second time, I was sitting with a very dear friend of mine, and this passage hit her as hard as it hit me. Ironically, we spend the majority of our Sundays together. Traditionally, we go out to eat after Sunday service and then decide what form of activity we want to do thereafter. It is mostly a time for socializing and busyness. After digging into this passage, we both felt it impressed in our hearts to change the course of our Sundays and designate Sundays to be our Sabbath. Not sure exactly what that'll look like yet (I threw out some suggestions, but we are prayerfully considering everything) but I know that Scripture reading and prayer is a key component to it.
I would like to challenge you to prayerfully considering designing a Sabbath for you and your family. Much work is done in vain. Just look at the writer of Ecclesiastes and the pharisees during Jesus' earthly ministry. As we begin to discover the Sabbath together, I will keep you posted and updated. :)