a journal entry and a dream

[taken excerpt from my journal]

So, I had a dream last night in which chaos began to break forth, and I started to panic! But, I hear the LORD say to me, "You are ready. My Church is ready. Just trust in ME." I was in a state of shock because the last thing I considered myself at that moment was ready. I kept arguing and saying to Him, "No, we're not ready." But the last words kept echoing in my spirit... "Just trust in ME."

I feel this dream goes along with the Scripture that says, "I am confident that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil 1:6). I think I've been so freaked out over the coming trials and times that I haven't allowed the Holy Spirit to complete the work He has started in me. If He has chosen me for such a time as this and I am choosing Him and are being led by the Spirit, then I have to trust He'll do His part.

He is mighty big. If He speaks and I listen He will never fail. He will come through and He will ensure I am prepared and so is my heart for these coming times.

"God knew what circumstance, what family, what nation and what generation to put you in so that you would love Him most."

-- Misty Edwards

the tide is turning...

I have been praying and contending for a while now for the very thing which is now happening in our family.

The tide is turning and we are preparing for the coming storm.

This weekend, IHOP-KC's Wes Hall came and equipped our Church family during our monthly Awaken the Bride conference. And boy, do I gotta say that the Spirit of God is good, faithful and so sweet! It was like a fresh download and infilling from Heaven for both Caleb and myself and we are now armed & ready with zeal, wisdom and increased understanding on a number of different things. Of course it varies for Caleb and me, but ultimately it brings our family into such a sweet essence of unity, that I am excited to see what's ahead.

The main thing I felt the Lord release for me specifically, was the sweet sweet whisper of His spirit impress upon me this...

"I will set you on fire, and then I will blow upon you."

This doesn't mean He will blow out the fire which He started, but rather that He will blow on it and it will be contagious as others catch on fire...

As I have sought the Lord over the last few weeks I have truly felt that the fulfillment of our calling is soon. I believe with my whole heart our family will be released in a new way unto a prophetic destiny which He has prepared for us. This is the season of preparation. And in preparing, God is stripping away everything that hinders love, everything that attaches itself to us, that we may run, dodge, jump and move when we need and how we need to; in the fullness of the Spirit of Christ.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,

because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted;

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and freedom to prisoners."

-Is 61:1

I have seen an increase in dreams, revelations of such dreams and visions, as well as a time of intense preparation for Caleb (the details of which I won't fully mention to honor his place with the Lord in the secret place).

He is coming. And He's preparing us.

This is the season of preparation. As I step into the full-time roll of intercessory missionary I am convinced He is releasing revelation upon revelation of the importance of this mandate.

Oh the joys of knowing Jesus!

He is so faithful, and He will complete He has started in us. :)

lessons learned from fiction novels

I am a Francine Rivers fanatic.


I have read just about every book she's ever written. And I.love.them.


Fiction is a topic of minor controversy amongst friends and myself. In the light of studying Scripture and serving in our God-given ministries (whether at the House of Prayer, in the marketplace, or at home) one can only spend their remainding energies on very little and fiction just doesn't feed the spirit like non-fiction does.


Well, Francine Rivers' fiction absolutely feeds my spirit. And here's why...


Francine Rivers is a Spirit-filled believer who asks the Holy Spirit what He desires to say before she sits down to write a novel. As you read the pages of her books, it is filled with Scripture references and godly characters. At the end of the day, she gets real.


I just finished re-reading her "Mark of the Lion" series and I have to admit, it stirred me.


The trilogy follows a wealthy Roman family, a small Jewess who believes Jesus Christ is the Son of the Living God, and a captured German warrior. It is set around 40 years after the ressurection of Christ, and persecution is at every corner. As I sat and read of this Christian young lady (because, she was after all but a teen at the start of the book) I saw myself imprinted all over Hadassah.


She was a young girl who loved the Lord, but struggled with fear.


Fear has always been my Goliath. Hadassah struggled with fear. All the while she witnesses incognito, fear consumes her for her very life. And then I got to thinking...


Persecution like that could very well be on the way for American Christians. How will I react in the dawn of that day? Will fear consume and paralyze me? Or will I rise up boldly and forget the word fear is even in our vocabulary?


Sitting and pondering about this, I realize that fear has gripped the American Church in a very subtle and yet so obvious way. We fear failure, we fear poverty, we fear heartache and pain. "Perfect love casts out all fear." Being yoked with perfect love causes fear to run from within our grasp.


I desire to be yoked ever closer to this Perfect Love.


And I believe the American Church needs a good reminding of who Love is. The fullness of who He is...

So, then from a fiction novel that some would cast off as wasted time and wasted paper, I have come face to face with my Goliath. The beauty is, I turn and see my David has already loaded his sling and has won the battle.

Book Review: "Seven Commitments of a Forerunner"

Seven Commitments of a Forerunner

A sacred charge to press into God
by: Mike Bickle

I just finished reading Mike Bickle's Seven Commitments of a Forerunner. I received the book as a gift during IHOP's "One Thing-Orlando." It was recommended to me by a number of individuals from our Church, and seeing as I am stepping into a new season where I have committed to being a full time intercessor, I wanted to find out more about this sacred charge that I may commit to being a forerunner in a manner which pleases Him. Essentially, I wanted to reach the next level in my commitment to Him. I can say I found it in the sacred charge.

Mike presents it as a "sacred charge" because that which we call sacred, we tend to hold in the highest esteem. This charge to press in, to become a forerunner is to be a high priority in our lives. Rain or shine, snow or sleet, these commitments are of the utmost importance. The seven commitments go as follows;

- Pray Daily
- Fast Weekly
- Do Justly (one of my favorite commitments!)
- Give Extravagantly
- Live Holy
- Lead Diligently
- Speak Boldly

They are a call to return to the foundations of Christian faith (in a real and complete manner) that we may discover the deep things of Christ. I highly recommend this book and the commitment to become a forerunner.

(4 out of 5 stars!) ****

What if a prayer for mercy results in great calamity?

As I was praying this morning, my prayers began to focus upon our nation. I began to cry out for mercy for our nation. I prayed that this nation will know and understand the true meaning of mercy and that through that revelation it will return to its foundational roots. Christ, love and justice.


And then, the Word of the Lord came to me so softly it was barely whisper. In my prayers, I almost missed it.

"What if My mercy came in the form of great physical calamity for this nation?"

Whoa!

Many in the Body of Christ have been sensing the very same thing. America hangs in a balance. And while we cry out for mercy, He's answering our prayers.

The concept of mercy has been a fuzzy one and one that has been objective, at best. We consider mercy the act of being spared from what we consider pain (tends to be more physical and circumstancial rather than spiritual) instead of understanding things from an eternal view.

He's more concerned with our eternity than our now. As I cry out for mercy, I am crying out to be saved and molded into His image. In His Sovereignty, if He should decide calamity will save my soul and return me to Him well then, He is acting in mercy.

As I continue on my journey as an intercessor and I pray for world events such as what's going on Egypt and in this nation, I learn that His ways are always higher and never match up to what I think they should be. Oh, but what a glorious thing! To serve and to love a merciful God...

"gracious, slow to anger and rich in love!"

the sorrows of clubbing

Last night I had a "moment" and decided to get my nose re-pierced. I'd had it done in 2006 and loved it, but having a semi "professional" job required me to take it out and never put it back in. Well, I'm now an intercessor, a wife and a mommy- so nose ring, here I come! Chancia came with me and we had a pretty hysterical time. Afterwards, we decided to hang out and head over to City Walk to walk around and talk.

As soon as we arrived to City Walk the atmosphere changed, and we'd forgotten we were headed there on a Friday night when the clubs are "poppin'" and "night-life" rules. In the parking lot, we saw young ladies & guys dressed up, eager to attend the club of their choice and party the night away. Both Chance and I were bereft. Neither one of us were ever the "club going folk" however we suddenly remembered the hopelessness we felt when we didn't know Christ. (Maybe that was just me, I think Chance was born saved, haha). Either way, the entire time there we spent discussing this lifestyle. Not in a judgemental way--there was no judgement nor condemnation--only a sadness that left us feeling like there was more.

Of course there's more. We know there's more. We know Him, we've tasted Him and seen Him. But, City Walk hadn't. And for most, this particular experience was the highlight of their week. Loud music, intoxicating drinks and a building packed with others who felt the exact same way, hoping that this fulfills their time and their hearts... Sigh.

I'm so burdened with souls, yet find myself in a bind. I am so not bold, and for whatever reason fear nags at my heart and tends to win. Argh! Why? Taking it before the Lord now, in prayer, more than ever I believe it is for the Church to arise and speak Christ. It is time to set our hearts to bring to Jesus the reward of His suffering and to offer to the dying world the beauty of this man. And of course, to do so boldly.

I have come before the Lord and have understood that I am afraid of man because I still don't have a full grasping of the name which He calls me; His son, His bride, co-heir and His bondservant. And my name is my destiny. Therefore, I am setting my heart in prayer to come to full understand such names, that I may partner with the heart of Jesus and be able to speak Christ and so boldly. I would encourage you to do the same. Time is urgent and the lost are only lost because we haven't shown to them, the Way.

Fruit of the Spirit

"And the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience[longsuffering], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control; against these, there is no law."

- Gal 5:22-23

So, my friend and I did a study of this Scripture last week, and as we searched Scriptures I really began to ask the Lord to fulfill this Scripture in my heart. I wanted to walk in this fruit to its fullness. Not just occassionally and inconsistently, but in a vibrant way that would characterize me. More than sign and wonders, I wanted His fruit. It was, and is, something that truly was stirred in my heart.

I suddenly became aware of every opportunity to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit. Instead of poison, I used kind words when insulted (to one degree or another), instead of five or six cookies I ate just one and I ensured that I was faithful in little things, despite my emotions. I was doing "great." And then came, well, let's call him Sammy.

Sammy is a sweet one year old little boy. He loves car, the swing and Mickey Mouse. He would be spending time with us during the days, while Mommy worked at night. Totally doable, right? Wrong! See, Sammy loves loves loves his Mommy (who said this is a bad thing?) and is very sad while she's away. So sad that he cries. A lot. All day. Everyday. I understand this, and therefore made every effort to comfort him. Prayed. Played. Hugged. Loved. Nothing worked! Day and two were feasible. Day three, I lost it. I seriously lost it. I less than behaved in a fruit of the spirit kinda way. And meanwhile I'm whining to the Lord, asking him for a serious dose of mercy, He gently yet firmly reminds me (and rebukes me) that I asked for fruit of the Spirit, and I was choosing to exhibit none. Yikes.

See, when we pray God doesn't just grant it to us, He gives us the opportunity to choose to behave in those things which we have asked for. With the awareness and the knowledge, His Holy Spirit kisses us with grace, the rest is up to us. Wisdom is having that grace to walk it out. I can't ask God to super-naturally give me patience to love on little Sammy. I know what it means to be patient, and I know what it means to love, so I can ask for grace to carry out that definition. See, life is a product of the choices you make with your time and your circumstances. Jesus opened the eyes of my heart to see the opportunity before me. I can choose to act less than godly (after all, Jesus said "You shall know them by their fruit"), or I can choose to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit, regardless of how high pitched or long it is. Part of the fruit after all, is longsuffering...

What situation are you in that is developing the fruit of the Spirit in your life?