My motivation.

What motivates you? No, really, what motivates you?
Pain. Anger. Hatred. FEAR.

So, I had this dream the week of Thanksgiving and I felt the Lord nudge me this particular night before heading to sleep, that He would speak to me that night through a dream. Because it's been so busy, I just two days ago, got a chance to sit down, pray about it and interpret it. It had apartment buildings, lakes, chairs and thieves; an SUV, hotel and of course, a wedding. Yeah, totally weird. Oh, wait... And an ex-boyfriend. Yeahhhhh, how about thaaaat. Anyway, so I sat down to interpret it and even though I had all the puzzle pieces, I had no idea where to start. Anyway, I prayed and prayed. All I got was 1Cor3. Sooo, open up my Bible, and low and behold, the exact same Scripture a dear friend of mine sent to me about a month and a half ago via text. Said she "felt that Scripture for me." Mind you, it's not a pretty word, not in Song of Solomon nor Psalms. It's in 1Cor, right smack in the middle of a rebuke from Paul... Long story short, I ended up in Romans 7, and the Lord spoke to me so clearly. The motivation for 99.99% of every choice I've ever made has been motivated by pain it by fear. In my immaturity it was pain, in this so called maturity, it's been fear. Fear that somehow I'll miss God and His greatness. Every action was fueled by the fear that I'd somehow missed it, or it's been a direct result of the pain I held so close in my heart. Fear can never withold me, neither can pain nor the desire of revenge; only love, and love at its truest sense in that. I want to challenge you, just as the Lord challenged me, and is now testing me. Be motivated by love in EVERY decision you make. What you wear, who you talk to, what you say... What you do with your life and where you work. Be motivated by love. And ask God what exactly motivates you...

Turning the page

Sometimes, one of the worst feelings in the world is the disappointment one feels when you return to your roots and find that home just isn't there anymore. I recently had an experience where I returned to my spiritual roots so to speak and was hoping and praying to reconnect to what I once had there. However sitting right smack in the middle of these roots, I realized things were just not the same. The page had been turned, and to come back to it is unnatural. Though we cherish the memories from our past (the good parts), letting go is one of the hardest things to do... It has been for me. I am so relationally-minded to my core that the thought of any relationship ending moves me to tears everytime. Nevertheless, returning to what It thought would be "the good old days", Jesus reminded me that this was my past and there's nothing there for me. I can treasure every smile, every secret shared and every memory lived, but I can't bring them back. The page has been turned and it is time to look forward, to look ahead to the things which He has placed before me. Ouch. And then again, wow...

Turning the page,
Nicole